Parenting, AKA troubleshooting children, is one of the most talked about subject on the internet, because, well a lot of people have kids. And when you have kids, you’ve got to find a way to co-exist with them, while you are a completely rational, levelled headed, intelligent individual, your child is probably exactly the opposite with a set of horn on their head, at least until puberty passes.
So we as parents search and search, for the formula that will educate our children to become rational, levelled headed, intelligent individuals like us, or at least one that can reason with you and agree to not eat out of the trash or put the cat in the washing machine.
Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we don’t, and when you fail, it’s so easy to feel discouraged, sad, and wonder what is wrong? Am I to blame for the way she acts?
My daughter was one of those child, I did everything “correctly”, by the book, and yet, I keep being disappointed time after time. She slept poorly despite all the recommendations from books which we followed, she disliked eating in general, even though we try to enforce meal time and practice baby led weaning from the start. Me and my husband loves reading, so much so that we started a reading and language learning focused channel. We read in front of my daughter, we often write in front of her too, and yet the only thing she want to do with book is to pile them up and place them neatly in the composite bin.
While it is important that we be mindful to our parenting techniques and their influence on our children, it is also important to recognize that we as parents are also individuals with needs and emotions that need to be prioritized. Too much emphasis on them, and too little on us eventually make us worse parents, and worse role models. Below are some items that can be incredibly helpful when things are simply not looking up.
Find a different focus: Just like when kids are too deep in their emotions, they can benefit from a distraction, so can adults. In our case, my website is my creative outlet, but also a place to destress and regain my focus, on a topic other than my child. Finding a hobby and try to dedicate time on it is incredibly good for parents, and especially stay at home care takers.
Plan away time: I would often say I want to be with my daughter all the time, but also say I want to be away from her, at the same time. It is a conflicting feeling. However days when she spend at grandmas are days where I best recharged. I watched movies, went to restaurants, connect with friends, and recharge by doing all the things I wanted to do but felt guilty about. In reality, while I did have a child, whose wellbeing is completely dependent on me and my husband, the away time proven to be a great change of pace for the both of us.
Try to go for the things you like to do, with a slight bit of modification, your child: Parenting is a lot about getting to know your child, but also letting your child get to know YOU. What does Mommy like to do? Why does she like them? Those are questions better answered by including our children in activities we like to do instead of postponing them indefinitely. Because family isn’t just about the youngest member, it’s about everyone, including the ones providing care.
Continue trying and find mutually winning solutions: Patience, and persistence is one important for just about any life goals we try to reach. Once we’ve moved past our negative emotions, it’s time to continue on. When things don’t work, sometimes it’s about discovering a middle ground solution that both parties can accept, it should never be a one way compromise, and it is important we teach that to our child by modeling. Our family is slowly working on keeping books on the table rather than in the composite bin. We are taking baby steps but with persistence, breaks when needed, and some creative problem solving, eventually we will get where we want to be as a family.
I would like to think that my child is a reflection of ourselves, when we become old, irrational and stubborn. How they perceive me as a person, my way of going about things, will heavily influence how they are as an adult, and ultimately how we get along when I’m old.
This blog post is written by Carol from www.growmommy.com. Carol’s blog specializes in bilingual language education, as well as general parenting tips and tricks. If you enjoyed her reading, swing by her blog to say hi. If you are a bilingual parents speaking English and Chinese, or would like to learn Chinese, definitely check out her site for completely free learning resources.